No Greater Love
John 15
12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that one
lay down his life for his friends.
An Open Vision November 12, 2009
Infiltrated by the song answer from the movie:
"The Brave One”
I didn’t know in the beginning that I would be the solider. I thought I was the victim – hopeless and helpless...needing saving...needing life. But now I’m the one saving and I don’t know if I have the “fight” left in me to do it. Why wasn’t I told in the beginning? Would I have taken it on…….no……maybe....I don’t know
I can only tell you what I know, that I need you in my life. 🎵
Why does love hurt so bad? Why? Why do I have to die? Can I? Am I selfless enough? Is there any part of my body, my soul that can give enough? Give it all to die for him? To die for them (Christ and my husband)? I don’t know if I can. I want it my way. I want it the way I pictured in my head. I can do this for a day. That I can commit to – but how long will this take Lord? I need answers I can’t just do this day in and day out without any refreshing. Can I?
“Sshhh,” He says in my ear as He gently takes my head and pulls it into his shoulder. He’s holding me we are completely vulnerable and I’m safe, “it’s okay friend.” I know what it’s like to give it all and it’s all worth it in the end. You’re okay.
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
“I know, but you wouldn’t have been chosen if you couldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s your destiny.” There’s nothing greater than to give your life for a brother.” Your rewards are in heaven.
And when I fail?
“I’ll be there to hold you up with my right hand.”
And when I’m scared?
“I’ll be there to hold you, carry you. I will stick closer to you than a brother. I will never leave you nor forsake you.” You know all the words, you know the scriptures now let them be truth in your heart. Let me show you who I am.
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind 🎵
I see him on the battle field. He looks dead, is he daddy?
“Go to him.”
I run, helmet falling, tears staining my face. I’m screaming but I can’t hear myself the battle is raging, and I just have to know. Are you alive? Don’t die. I’ve searched for you all my life. Don’t die now. I just need to hear you say my name. What do you sound like I have to know?
I’m by your side now, your face is in the dirt, your hands are bloody. They are all banged up I can tell you’ve fought one hell of a fight on your own. Your rifle is by your side, a knife in your hand. Did you run out of bullets and then turn to fight in hand to hand combat? The smells of this place – death, sulfur, its hell – its hell on earth. Didn’t you hear me calling to you? Didn’t you hear me? Don’t die now.
I roll you over. You are so beautiful. Even with all the dirt and mud and blood I can see you. I see you. You are mine and I am yours. Don’t die now.
Shots are flying over my head I can hear the sounds of war so loud – deafening. My tears fall on your face and I think you blink. Are you alive? God don’t let him die…not now. Not yet, not like this. I’m selfish I want to know you. I rub your face with my hands – they aren’t much cleaner, but I can see your skin – so beautiful. You don’t look like I thought you would; I love you instantly. This time it’s obvious I see you blink. HA! Such a thrill in my heart that I cannot contain myself and I stand to shout in praise and glory only to be thrown to the ground with the slam of a mortar shell next to us. I need to get you to safety.
I grab your arm. We have to move…..Can you hear me I’m screaming but it’s so loud – who can hear? I put my hands under your shoulders and begin to drag you…it’s too hard and I keep falling. You are too heavy all by myself. The shots are so close to us I can’t bear the thought of you getting hit again. I throw myself on you to shield you from the onslaught.
When I get up to move again I realize that you’ve got your arm around me – in your effort to protect me. It’s so sweet…pointless, but really sweet.
I drag you – I’m such a dumb girl. I don’t know how to fight in a war. This is your battle how did I get here? I’m so unprepared for all of this. I had such romantic naïve thoughts and dreams. It isn’t supposed to be like this. You were supposed to save me!
I’m angry. You are so damn heavy and I’m so unprepared, out of shape, and helpless.
For days and nights, I struggle. At times you gain enough strength and you can pull yourself up. WHERE’S THE BACK UP? But then you fall again – it’s harder each time. I’m so angry. Why did you get yourself into this battle? Why didn’t you wait for me? Why didn’t you pray for me like I was praying for you? Why did you give up on me? Why did I give up on you?
He’s here now, yelling like a great commanding officer. He’s like a shield nothing can hit Him. He’s mighty and so strong. He walks to us. His face, His countenance changes from a mighty man of valor to a sad hurt father. He looks at our pitiful state of affairs – we’ve turned on each other and betrayed the promise of our calling. We are killing ourselves through selfishness and an unwillingness to die for the other. Are we soldiers or not? Are we soldiers of God’s? It doesn’t look like it.
He grabs me and pushes me to the side – tears streaming down his face. He looks at me – not with spite, not with hate or disappointment but with grace and love. He nods his head he understands the night has been unkind to me. He understands that I’m so unprepared and that my failures here in this battle will soon be my victories.
He looks at you. So, hurt, so injured mostly caused by your own rifle and your own knife. He loves you – more than me – that’s a lot of love.
I breathe – maybe for the first time in years. Peace overwhelms the battlefield and as the war rages on I know in my heart that we are going to be okay. We’ll survive this battle – scarred and bruised but strong. The hero’s in heaven have been watching they too understand.
He picks you up with a gentle easy lift and your body hangs from his large hands. He gently kisses your face like a father kisses his precious son. He loves you. His tears of sorrow for your battle fall gently on your face and then to the ground.
He turns to me and gives a wave of his hand. I run to his side and he puts you over his shoulder then holds my hand with his free hand.
I know I shouldn’t turn around, but I do.
The place where his tears fell – the place where they hit your face then fell to the ground they are all now little puddles on the ground.
As we walk with Him you become stronger and stronger. You begin to walk on your own. Life comes back to you. I love you.
Our father puts our hands together across his chest as we walk. I look down. I can see the battle field and the war is raging on. Arrows, bullets still cross our path, but He is there – our shield. As I notice the ground below I can see where all the puddles now have grown the most beautiful of flowers. It’s a strange sight – a battle field waging war against our very souls now has flowers blooming.
Take me to a place so holy Father that I can wash this from my mind…the memory of choosing not to fight. 🎵
Please forgive me Abba
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind.
Take me to a place so holy 🎵
I can’t do this…not on my own…not even the two of us together…but with Him all things are possible.
