When God Wounds
Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life."
Atop Mt Beatitude on a brisk January evening in 2018, I listened intently to my guide, Naomi, through our "whispers" as she called them. I wanted to feel something as I searched the waters and looked across the way...I felt nothing. Even here it follows me, half way around the world, on a hill where Jesus taught one of his most famous teachings. A word that led me to rededicate my heart to the Lord in 1997. Here I am broken and empty.
A couple of years ago I heard a teaching by Bishop TD Jakes about the Shunammite Woman in 2 Kings 4. His lesson was so profound to me that I wept. I'm expounding upon it here, in my own words.
My Confession
God made a real promise to me; I've waited for it to come to pass for over 4 years...it has not. I will add, the past 4 years was not where the dream started; no the dream began at around the age of 8, so I've actually been waiting for 40 years. Admittedly, I have not waited well, and in my own strength I tried to force my heart's desire to come to pass; as with Sarah and Abraham, it didn't turn out so well.
But on April 20, 2014, the Lord met me and said, "I'm giving you your heart's desire." And now, I wait.
I am a Believer, so hearing from God is normal, not abnormal, John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” So when he came to me and said here is what I'm going to do I expected He would do it. Its been 4 years and I have still not received the promise.
I realize carrying this desire for 40 years is not a long time in the whole scheme of things. I also understand 4 years after God's Yes and Amen, is not that long either. I know God, and I know that He'll do it. I also know that faith moves mountains, and it's all about faith, hope, and love, and I just need to keep my eyes on God - He'll do it, and my promise is my promise, and yep, yep, yep and yep again...I know.
Tell my heart.
The Shunammite Woman
15 He said, "Call her." When he had called her, she stood in the doorway.
16 Then he said, “At this season next year you will embrace a son.”
And she said, “No, my Lord O man of God, do not lie to your maidservant.”
2 Kings 4:15-16
The Shunnamite woman had an odd response to the Prophet Elisha. Well, it’s odd if you don’t understand the pain of a heart’s desire that has not manifested. If you’ve never had to push through the overwhelming grief of your broken heart all the while putting on your happy face presenting yourself as, “Bless God all is well,” at every church function. When deep down in your soul you look like a devastating forest fire has ripped through the land. There is little one can do in these situations; you submit it to God, and you do the best that you can to keep on breathing. It’s a heart’s desire; if it could be manipulated it would be, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve been there done that.
I take some comfort in knowing I’m not the only one, Abraham had a promise given to him specifically by God. A promise that was clearly impossible since Sarah was far beyond childbearing years and Abraham was old (Genesis 18:11). Despite their ages, despite their unbelief as both laughed at the idea of it all, God brought to pass His promise. Sarah is known as the "Mother of nations" Genesis 17:16, and Abraham is the “Multitude of nations," Genesis 17:4!
And yet I am still waiting...
But I digress, back to the main character.
The Shunammite woman; determined in her heart that she was just fine. She went on about her life, she settled in her mind that her husband, his money, and her prestigious lot in life were all manageable or perhaps tolerable. She was content – the “oh well, I’ll just have all that I want when I’m in heaven” kind of content. The “I can settle in this place and be so very comfortable,” kind of content. Onward she pushed in her manmade contentment. She put on her mask of bravery (or is it better to say fakery) and met the day with an overcomer kind of attitude.
Meanwhile, the pain of that empty place in your heart screams of its existence, it’s like carrying around a bag of rocks that only you can see. You can’t give it to someone else to carry, it just remains attached to your back. In every moment of silence, day in and day out, a wretched, joy-killing, insatiable life sucking well. Unanswered prayer is one thing, but the pain of an unresolved heart’s desire is a pain that is unexplainable.
The Shunnamite woman understood who Elisha was; she built him a resting place in her home. She never once asked for a “word,” a blessing, a prophecy, or even for him to lay on hands. She never confessed the brokenness of her heart or the never-ending yearning pain of God not answering her. She knew who he was – read that slowly she knew who he was. She was so sure of who he was she added a room on to her home to bless him as he traveled past. She wanted his presence around her, and in her home, on her land, around her family. But yet she never asked for anything from him and when he said, “what can I give to you.” She reminded him that she was doing just splendid "bless God," and needed nothing in return. Upon that she quickly exited the room.
Job 5:18 "For He inflicts pain, and gives relief; He wounds, and His hands also heal.
So many times, I have found myself saying, “God why do you hate me?” He doesn’t, and I know it. As many times as I have consoled my broken heart the unanswered prayer for my lifetime heart’s desire feels a whole lot like hate. I mean, who makes a promise and doesn't answer it? Who does that except someone who hates you? It's cruel and unusual punishment - it feels like a prison sentence I am bound to serve. Did you lie to me God, did you change your mind and not tell me? Why won’t you release me from this place of hell? I just want to be content and move on. Because quite honestly, I am content. I have amazing children, my own business, an incredible church family, and a growing ministry. I’ve earned my doctorate, I travel, and I don’t struggle (as much as I used to) financially. But yet…
The Shunnamite woman determined in her mind that she was content, but her heart screamed that she wasn’t. If she was content she could have stayed in the presence of Elisha, but she left, she ran away and hid. When pain like the un-manifested, unanswered heart’s desire is at risk of being exposed – you run. Getting away from the aching pain in your heart requires a hasty retreat into a safe place. A place where you can grieve the hate for the dream, the hate for the circumstances, and the broken trust you feel towards God. A place where the anger of still feeling all of it can just roll down your cheeks. A place where the flippant response of “God has His perfect timing” isn’t shoved down your throat. Ugh, please tell me that again because I’m so excited to hear it. I KNOW HE HAS HIS PERFECT TIMING now, please say that to my broken and shattered heart because IT won’t let go. Who wants to be tortured sun up to sun down by the tangible emptiness of an unanswered heart’s desire? No one.
So, the Shunnamite woman walks away. He asks her a question, she gives her well-rehearsed response and leaves. The prophet bent on getting an answer turns and asks his servant. The servant responds, v4 "What then is to be done for her?" And Gehazi answered, "Truly she has no son, and her husband is old. Yes, that’s correct, her heart’s desire is so noticeable that the servant man can figure it out…but why not God and why not God's prophet? How is it possible that the prophet mentored by Elijah - the one with the double portion doesn't - already know? Hello, God, it’s me, on behalf of the world, are you listening? Why can the servant man see what is missing but you and your prophet cannot?
The man of God calls her back into his presence, and she stands at the doorway. She didn’t enter, she didn’t grab a cup of tea and have a seat, no, she stood at the door. She’s so triggered she has no desire to be anywhere near the man. A man that she has trusted to not betray her with a massive promise of her heart’s desire. A promise that will once again not manifest in the earthly realm. She steels herself for the letdown, shoulders back, feet firmly planted, heart protected with a thousand walls she prepares herself, and then he says it… v16 "God is going to give you your heart’s desire,” Oh dear God in heaven the pain, the betrayal, do not say that man of God, do not say that! Do not bring me to the edge of this damned, cursed, dead cliff one more time. I trusted you! 2 Kings 4:16b, and she said...
"No, my Lord O man of God, do not lie to your maidservant."
It’s not so odd, her response is understandable when you’ve lived your entire life dreaming and hoping. Believing and trusting. When you’ve done all, you can do to make yourself ready to receive the promise. When you've given and sown into every other person’s life as a seed to obtaining your dream. When you’ve genuinely clapped and celebrated with others in their time of reaping the one dream that you have never received. Year after year after year your prayers go unanswered. NO, don’t lie to me man of God seems like a pretty human response. “Don’t prophecy over me! Don’t you know how many times I have heard this?” Now I’m going to have to go back to my safe place and go through all of the emotions, all of the let downs, all of the pain again! And it was said by YOU the one person that I trusted would see my contentment, which I did not have to tell my desires to, the one person that I have not cried or blurted out my pain in front of. You are a man of God the pain will be even harder to overcome, the promise will be even harder to deny. I give you a beautiful place to rest, I feed you, I take care of you, and your repayment is to speak of the most painful place in my heart? You have put it in the atmosphere, you have brought out my shame of not bearing fruit in the one area of my life where I desperately need to bear it…
v17 the woman conceived and bore a son at that season the next year, as Elisha had said to her.
Hosea 6:1 “Come, let us return to the Lord. For He has torn us, but He will heal us;
He has wounded us, but He will bandage us.
Patience is to wait; to bear up under.
Why does God wound us? Why does he make promises then and then make us wait for it? The answer is simple: Because He is GOOD. Yes, He is so good and so faithful He makes us wait! What a mortifying concept in the days of microwaves, credit cards, and smart phones who waits for anything anymore? James1:2-4 tells us to consider the trials with joy - as the testing of our faith produces endurance, which will lead to the perfect result and we will be found perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 1 Peter 1:7 God brings the FIRE to test our faith! For the purpose of us giving praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ!
Testing our faith with fire helps us see our individual weaknesses, our idols, our depravities. Jesus called us to pick up our cross and follow after Him. Death happens on the cross, Jesus called us and said, in short follow after me and die. Yes, we must die to self. And the promise must die too that seed must fall to the ground and die or we remain alone (John 12:24). When we willingly give up what we've always wanted, and trust Him with the promise, He gives us everything we've ever needed. After the battle of facing our own cross, putting to death our own flesh, He gives us our hearts desire because we are broken and humble, mature and meek, war tested and combat worthy.
I'm still waiting but I am hopeful.
Job 13:15 (NASB) 15 “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him.
If you read on in 2 Kings 4 you'll find that the Shunammite woman loses her son - he dies. But because she has been to the battle, she's fought the good fight of faith, and waited for the promise to come, this warrior woman refuses to allow the promise to be taken from her. She had no time for the enemies schemes and she wasn't about to give up. So as she rode to the prophet and came upon Gehazi, her response to his questioning was "All is well!" Her son is dead...and she says "all is well!!" I can tell you, she said it and meant it. Elisha, the man who first proclaimed the promise of her son, now proclaims the promise of his life returned, and in v37 she came in and fell at his feet...then picked up her son, and went out.
